Citizen Kane

Dork calling Orson

I had some free time this weekend and in a bid to fill that free time I chose to watch a copy of Citizen Kane that somebody gave me before Christmas. It’s exactly 119 minutes long and that’s exactly 119 minutes I’ll never get back.

Oh Lord, this is a dull film and it’s not helped by Orson Welles who can’t fail to induce sound, uninterrupted slumber. Remember, Orson is the Sandeman – the ‘mysterious’ caped crusader-cum rapist with a gravelly voice that used to promote chav-grade sherry in the late 70s/early 80s. I’ll confess, I’ve never liked the graveliness of Orson’s voice. Some do, but they are stroke victims.

To be fair, that voice isn’t the most irritating in the world… but it is mighty close. Orson, in full soliloquy sounds like somebody planing a particularly smooth piece of timber, the resultant ennui only broken by the odd increase in volume that will, at best, prompt a jolt during your forty winks.

And don’t expect any level of intrigue during a full, uninterrupted viewing of Kane, just the misery of knowing there are only a few things that are more dull: things like moving your index finger up and down a desk for 119 minutes and counting your nose for 119 minutes. In fact I’d rather file my own head for 119 minutes.

Citizen Kane is nothing more than a long, dreadful, self-indulgent sedative. It’s not without merit, however. If you have been out until the early hours you can easily catch up by watching Citizen Kane in the afternoon – there really is no need for Nytol.

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4 Comments »

  • You’re an idiot, Bowdler.

    Quite apart from the fact that Kane regularly tops polls of Best Film in the World… Ever type, compiled by asking people who have forgotten more about film than you and I will ever learn, it is quite clearly a great film.

    Quite apart from the fact that the central theme of how power corrodes our sense of humanity, and that it’s as true today as it was when the film was made 70 years ago, you have to remember that this was the first film that Welles made. As an actor, director, co-writer and producer.

    It’s also technically innovative, using ways forms of filming and editing.

    Go back and watch it again. And again. And again. Until you get it.

    Comment by Craig — January 24, 2011 @ 2:44 pm

  • I’ll not bother.

    Comment by Tim — January 24, 2011 @ 3:42 pm

  • Was this in any way motivated by the desire, no, the need to do that picture caption? Would it have been better in 3D? And will you review Seth “charisma-void” Rogan’s Pale Green Hornet?

    Comment by Keith — January 26, 2011 @ 7:37 pm

  • Yes, you’ve found me out, but no Seth Rogan won’t be reviewed.

    Comment by tim — January 28, 2011 @ 1:01 am

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