Embarrassing bodies

Dr Christian Jessen: 'Right, let's check your bits out.'

In the UK, there’s a show on Channel 4 called Embarrassing Bodies – a kind of one-stop shop for people with dodgy things that even the most straight-talking matron might baulk at.

Essentially, EB is just an excuse to check people’s bits out. Every week unfortunates arrive at the Embarrassing Bodies roadshow with skin problems, smelly armpits and wonky/saggy boobs. Usually the EB team saves the best ’til last, usually featuring the woman with the dangly ladybits or the bloke with a nasty smell coming from deep within his underpants. In this instant, when main man Dr Christian Jessen has had a bit of a shuftie down the offending area, you can see him leaning back from the fug. As the aroma pervades the nostrils of the TV GP it’s clear that outright politeness and professional dictat are the only things that stop him saying: ‘Mate, for the love of God, buy a pumice stone and clean your knob up.’

It’s not much fun if you have a weak constitution: indeed, in a bid to research this further we logged on to the EB website and it makes interesting, yet uncomfortable browsing. If you want you can have a look at the.. um, Penis Gallery, or if you are feeling particularly brave you can check out the Vulva Gallery.

Think I’ll pass.

But the show is happy to soldier on, focusing on all manner of ailments and in our view the ultimate ‘embarrassing’ body surely had to be the man who came in and boldly professed: ‘I have a large penis’.

This cannot be a problem. People have their bell-ends injected with cow fat to make them bigger so one would have thought that this character was doing nothing more than showing off.

Jessen should have cuffed his ‘patient’ around the head and sent him on his way, but with a straight face he asked him to drop his trousers so we could all have a quick gander at this bloke’s petrol pump. When the man did get his weapon out there was indeed, a sharp intake of breath from the usually unflappable doctor. Either he was genuinely shocked at the dimensions of his patient’s saveloy or he had experienced a pang of jealousy. Anyhow, it was there to be seen in all its glory and truth be told, this lad had a whopper down there. You could have built a housing estate on it.

Embarrassing Bodies is not there to help the British public, nor is it there as some sort of public health service. Like most modern TV, it’s a freak show reliant on voyeurism. It is there to amuse and it lets the rest of us know that, whatever bits we don’t like about our bodies, there are those with far worse… or in this bloke’s, case, even better.

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  • In America we’ve got a whole channel devoted to this type of freak show ogling: Discovery Health, which runs such gems as “The Man with Hundreds of Lumps” & “My Shocking Story: World’s Smallest Mom”.

    They won’t show anyone’s genitals, unfortunately.

    Comment by Clark — June 22, 2010 @ 2:18 pm

  • Yep, that doesn’t sound good at all – it least you don’t get to see people’s under-bits, which is always unpleasant.

    Comment by Tim — June 24, 2010 @ 9:20 am

  • This show is fantastic. It is always done in good taste and consideration. Yes they show full frontal female and male nudity, we are all the same, we just come in different shapes and sizes. Here in Ireland or Britain or anywhere else in Europe we are not prudish about the naked body like Americans are. I hardly think its a freak show reliant on voyerism, thats just your own preverse way of viewing this program. You seem to highlight the sexual elements more so for this irrelevant sh**e you wrote. Not all the illnesses shown are in or on peoples nether regions. If you’re going to write something don’t be so biased to only certain segments of the show, this just shows how narrow minded you are. If you’re American though, I will take my last comment back, its not your fault.

    Comment by Ian — August 3, 2010 @ 9:09 pm

  • I’m not American, but yes I am narrow-minded. Never mind eh?

    Comment by Lies lies lies — August 4, 2010 @ 12:03 pm

  • Ian has a point, I mean it’s a little low to aim potshots at that bastion of good taste Channel 4. Who could forget their pioneering quest to show us Keith Chegwin’s twig and berries in ‘The Naked Jungle?’

    How anyone could mistake this sensitive, caring and above all subtle show for cheap voyerism is beyond the scope of rational thought, I mean just look at the sensitive non-freaky publicity shot:


    and this touching number:


    Comment by Beaver Hausen — August 4, 2010 @ 11:35 pm

  • That’s nice, beaver. Particularly the second shot. Tasteful I think.

    Comment by Tim — August 6, 2010 @ 7:04 pm

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